Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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