I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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