If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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