dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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