OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I checked into jail on foursquare
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
