that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
well you can't waste a boner
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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