he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Randomize
