If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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