That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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