glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Randomize
