i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
