Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
