someone threw a dead crab at me
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Randomize
