It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
