I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
