wakey wakey hands off snakey
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
