Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
