You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
