I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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