New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Randomize
