Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Randomize
