She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
