you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
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