he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
