I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
