I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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