JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Randomize
