meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
