Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
