I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
