We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
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