Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
