Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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