That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
