i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
In America we eat man semen.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
