I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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