He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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