i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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