Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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