I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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