Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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