Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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