Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
