so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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