I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I just blew my weed a kiss
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize
