Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
