Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
