I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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