im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
