Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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