so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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