I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
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