careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Randomize
