This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
