we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
this will be a night to untag.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
