Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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