If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
