Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
A+ Viking dick
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Randomize
